The Grey area
by FMW1019
Summary: Slow start... Merideth decides that there's a better way to deal with her problems than anything she's done before,shutting herself off to Derek. Post pick me, choose me, love me. Pre I slept with George.
1. what room, pick one

1Disclaimer: Okay... Are these really needed? I mean if any of us had an real say in what goes on in the shows we write about would we really waste our time here? But, I don't want to get sued so... I don't own the characters or the show. There, I said it. But it would be nice to own Chris O'Donnell and Patrick Dempsey.

Meredith's P.O.V:

After seeing Addison and Derek together for a few days, you's think the sight would be less, I dunno, hard to believe but it's not. He picked her, that's it. I wonder how I managed to be in a relationship with a married man and not even know it, I mean, there are signs right. A look of taken-ness, a certain husband-esque behavior? Obviously not or else I would have caught it, or maybe I wouldn't. I hate the fact that I'm spending sleeping time thinking about him and about the used to be us. Then again I need to over evaluate it, that's what I do. I over evaluate until I find what seems to be the defining moment that ruined everything and that one moment becomes the bane of my existence. Then, somehow, I work it out, always, it just takes a while.

I hear a faint knock on the door, I sigh, knowing very well if no one screams about being woken or something along those lines the person knocking always enters. I put my head back on the pillow as the door scratches against the floor. I pretend to be asleep, it prevents me from having to talk to anyone. But then, I catch a whiff of that smell, his cologne but it's different, no longer mine. The thought makes me frown a little. Oh well, at this point I can't do anything about the situation. I realize that he's still standing at the door, he's realized it's me on the bottom bunk. I try to look a little more relaxed, I know he's seen me sleep, watched me sleep and that I need to try to fool him.

He finally decides to move, the door scratches closed and the room is dark. He moves slowly, stopping to look at me. I pretend to move in my sleep and he continues his journey to the top bunk. I hear the bed creak a bit, my eyes are still closed, I'm tired. I try to remember the last time I slept for more than 3 hours, I can't. I hate that, he's making me lose sleep. I push him out of my mind which is difficult considering he's right above me. Slowly, I drift off. The next thing I know, my pager is blaring at me and the light is on. I jolt up, hitting my head on the bed. "CRAP!" I yell grabbing my head and pager and running out of the room. I nearly ran into Bailey. "What's up?" I ask my head still searing.

"A bus accident and you ask what's up, get to work." "Which room?" "Just pick one!" She shouts over he shoulder. And that's why I love this job.

Okay, that's it so far, it'll get better I promise


	2. no, but i'm working on it

1Disclaimer: Okay... Are these really needed? I mean if any of us had an real say in what goes on in the shows we write about would we really waste our time here? But, I don't want to get sued so... I don't own the characters or the show. There, I said it. But it would be nice to own Chris O'Donnell and Patrick Dempsey. By the way, this is the LAST disclaimer in this story so just don't forget that I don't own any part o grey's anatomy.

Meredith's P.O.V:

My patient was an unusual case, a bit of pole from the bus broke off on impact and flew into the arm but the way that the pole was positioned it was stopping the bleeding. Unfortunately once we took it out there was a large risk of her bleeding to death. Her name was Margery Sampson and the major veins in her arm had been ripped open when the pole flew through it. She was in pain which was odd since most of the nerves in her arm had been taken out. We knew what we had to do, amputate. But it's hard to tell someone that tomorrow they won't have an arm when all they did was ride a bus to get to work.

I was waiting on the results of Margery's tests and x-rays when I realized that I hadn't eaten all day. I looked at my watch and sighed, another 36 hour shift. I tried to decide which I needed more, food or sleep. Luckily my stomach rumbled making it an easy decision. I made my way down to the cafeteria and bought a salad and a soda. I ate quickly and got on the elevator. I pushed the button to floor 6 and leaned against the back wall. I closed my eyes as the elevator crept up slowly. I bell dinged, stopping at the second floor. I didn't open my eyes "Dr. Grey." He said professionally "Dr. Shephard." I matched his tone while my eyes were still closed. "How's your patient, with the pole through her arm?" "Margery? I'm going up to get her x-rays and tests right now." I knew he was looking at me but I still didn't open my eyes.

"So, how long have you been here?" "36 hours and counting." I heard him smile. "Wow, I've been here 15 and I feel like crap can't imagine how you feel." "Tired." I mumbled finally opening my eyes. He seemed shocked. "Mere, are you alright." "Why do you ask?" "It's just your eye, it looks like you have pink eye." "Nope, just blood-shot and tired." I faked a small smile. "You didn't answer my question." "What question?" "Are you okay?" I thought about lying and saying that I was but my floor was approaching and I didn't think I owed him the sugar-coating. "No, I'm not. But I'm working on it." The elevator stopped again and I stepped out and walked to the lab. "I'm here for the lab results for Margery Sampson." "Margery Sampson, here you go."

I smiled at the male nurse behind the desk "Thanks." "Um, Dr. Grey, your eye..." "I've been here 36 hours." He smiled at me "Never mind then." I grabbed the lab results and went to take them to Burke. I opened them and read them over. "Dr. Burke, I just got Margery's test results in, we'll have to amputate, the tissue is completely useless and the nerves are gone. Plus, at the angle that the pole entered, it, it goes up towards the shoulder."I said as soon as I found him. Burke nodded "Okay Dr. Grey, schedule the surgery." I nodded and went to the board and to fill out the paperwork. I booked OR 3 at 3:15, only 6 hours after I was supposed to be oing home. I shook my head, only 7 hours if the surgery went well.


	3. indifference

1Meredith's POV:

My mind is on the surgery, I told myself repeatedly. Keeping it there was difficult. I kept running over the conversation in my head, I revealed my weakness yet again. Maybe I was going crazy, keeping up your walls at all times was a daunting task. I needed the two days off that started as soon as I got home. "I need a little suction." My hands were on autopilot, no longer controlled by my brain, they gave suction. Maybe Derek was just impossible to keep things from or maybe I wanted him to know that I was starting to get better. But was I really? I still spent most of my time thinking about him and avoiding him or speaking to him. Or, at times all three, I was thinking of avoiding speaking to him, I don't know when my mind started working like it did but I didn't really care.

My mind wondered so much that I didn't even hear Burke tell me that we were done. "Dr.Grey, Dr.Grey?" "Hum?" "We're finished why don't you go home and get some sleep." "Okay, See you Monday Dr. Burke." I was turning to walk away, my body feeling numb. I stopped, numb. Why was I still going on with all the Derek drama? Why was I not okay with the fact that he had moved on with his wife? Why couldn't I move on? I was spending all my time obsessing over Derek, not realizing how lucky I really was. Millions of women have gone through the same thing, most have been through worse, so why couldn't I let this stupid little thing go? I've always over analyzed everything and this time, I think it was for the best. I had decided that I was going to be numb about Derek, not speaking to him unless absolutely necessary but not being rude.

I wasn't about to the doe eyed deer who died because she was caught in the headlights. As Christina had put it so many times, life goes on. I knew it wouldn't be easy and that I would probably slip occasionally, putting in a sarcastic comment or a witty remark about how McMarried he was. At some point, I would cut him out entirely, only seeing him at work but not speaking to him unless we were on the same case but for now, I would be indifferent, numb. No more sugar-coating or guilt, just indifference.

I pushed the door to the locker room and went over to my locker. I pulled off my scrubs and tiredly pulling on my street clothes. I quickly grabbed my things, the sooner I got home the better. I slammed my locker shut in time to hear someone yelling "I didn't know he was here!" "Oh right, he just shows up and happens to know where to find you at this time of day?" "Yes Derek, I work here, everyone knows that. He would know where to look considering..." I was trying to tune them out, part of my indifference. I stood up and walked out into the hallway where the fighting was going on. Derek and Addison were yelling, actually yelling by the elevators making it hard to get by without hearing them. I grabbed my i-pod and started to listen to a very loud song.

I walked past, bopping to the music. I leaned between them and pressed the down elevator button "Sorry, just need to get home." I said pulling out one earphone so that I could keep my volume under control. I put it right back in and waited for the elevators to open. I slid in when they did, unfortunately Derek did too. I saw his lips moving so I paused my song "... and now Mark's here hence the fighting." "Uh Huh." I nodded, this indifference thing was easier than I thought it would be.


End file.
